I am leaving for Melbourne with my family. Family? Well, not exactly. We are leaving T behind. T, my dachshund. Australia does not permit import of dogs from rabies endemic India. Today, I’ve come back after dropping him off at my fathers place.. for a long time, maybe for ever.
When we started back, we had a lump in our throats. Me & and my wife. We had got him 8 years ago, as a 7 week old. We had trouble getting kids, and he was the substitute. But after he waddled into our lives, a baby came too. He was our good luck mascot.
Usually we leave him at Dad’s for a week or two, and he jumps and barks the place down, trying to get back into the car, but today he was strangely silent, looking into my eyes with an uncertain wag of his tail. I bent down and kissed him, and I cried inside, he licked my face and eyes, and then walked back to the verandah. No complaints, no barks, no whines. I feel like a betrayer. How did he understand that this time, it was going to be for a long time? Was it our distress? And yet he didn’t turn his head away, like he usually does when he is angry, and he licked my eyes (first time) !!
The house is now strangely silent. His rug lies there still, both of us, we don’t want to remove it. I miss him….
I miss the after 10 pm sessions on the diwan, both me and T, me watching TV with his warm muzzle on my feet – my wife and daughter fast asleep.
I miss the 8 pm walks, alone with T, in the moonlight, with T nuzzling the grass and standing stock still at noctural sounds, and the companionship of the hunt.
I miss the waiting shadow on the verandah, the effusive welcome, the enthusiastic run back and forth, when I come home from work, and the sheer happiness in his eyes.
I miss the patient form at the dinner table, the polite nudge, the wet muzzle, the subdued wuff and the hurt bark when nothing comes his way.
I miss the wet lick waking me up in the morning.
I miss the weary companion at my feet, at the laptop at night, and the look which says “ haven’t u finished, lets go sleep” and the sleepy waddle accompanying me to the bedroom.
I miss the pint-sized warrior who jumped between me and a viper, snarling at the snake, lunging in and out of striking range, hair on end, in complete disregard to personal safety.
I miss the meticulous patrolman who checked the grounds before my baby daughter toddled out every morning.
I miss the cowering coward who hid below the bed at the first thunderstorm.
I miss the friend who sat with me on the verandah steps and watched the gentle rain fall.
I miss the friend who waited at the foot of the steps, because he was too scared to climb up, but too attached to leave.
I miss the hunter who lay in wait with superhuman patience for the cockroach who had scuttled under the almirah.
I miss the friend who was game to try anything I ate, whether papaya or coffee.
I miss the regretful look on the face, when he hides under the bed, after going poopoo in the kitchen at night, during rainy days.
I miss the surprised look on his face which says " u crazy?' when i say " walky walk?" on a rainy day.
I miss the imploring look, and tug he gives me, begging for a walk on a beautiful night.
I miss the stoic patience when he kept the muzzle on the diwan, waiting for someones heart to melt and lift him onto forbidden territory.
I miss the friend who would rather suffer a 5 hour car ride than be left without the pleasure of my presence for a few days.
I miss the halfhearted growl when I bathed him, and the full hearted appreciation when I toweled him down.
I miss the gandhian tummy display when I wanted to pop a pill into his mouth, and the stoic refusal to open his mouth.
I miss..
I miss…
I miss you, old pal, and I never realized I could love someone so much. I know my wife misses u too, I can see it in her silence in the car ride back and the tears. She must be having a list too...
I hope you understand why we left, even if not the reasons, but only that we loved you even as we left.
I know that your life is short, but one day, when we all have finished our time, we will go hunting again, as friend and friend, in a place where human & canine will be equals.
